I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
