I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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