you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
