thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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