I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
