Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
