i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
