Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
two words: eviction party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
