Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
