We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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