His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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