We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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