every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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