My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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