it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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