Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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