I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
