so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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