The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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