I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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