Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
