I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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