i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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