She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
