I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
