i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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