My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
