is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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