my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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