spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
