I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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