Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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