I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
