he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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