shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
