nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
