She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dicks are not precious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
