Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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