I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
