Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
