Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
