i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
