she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
