Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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