alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're like the curious george of whores
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
