i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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