the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
