what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
