I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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