They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
