I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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