You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
