mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
