if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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